Keep me busy

Right after I wrote the previous post, there was this annoying feeling that crept to me, it said, "why are you self-diagnosed yourself as numb, empty, hollow, and lonely. Even you claimed it to lead to depression. Don't be such a drama. Get up!". This annoyed me as much because I don't like to be criticized, especially by myself. So I ignored that voice and started staring at the ceiling, wondering where did I go wrong?

I didn't get the answer, of course. My self conscious didn't want to answer even though I am pretty certain it knew. But whatever. And suddenly I just wanted to get up from bed. I did. And my mind went like this, "Whoa. You did that! Such an accomplishment". I know this is my meta-conscious speaking but I taken aback by the feeling it bring for such a minimal attempt. I decided to continue whatever it is by get out of bed. And yes I did. Then I looked in front of me. Oh there were my son's toys spread all over the floor. I tidied it up and put it back to its place. Then I feel that my house was bit a mess so I tidied it up too. Then I felt my hair was really messy I couldn't comb it. So I went to the bathroom and wash it with shampoo and try to comb it a bit. Then the sudden urge to write it down was hit me so here I am, sitting down in front of my laptop and start writing. 

You know where I'm going? I know in order to stay sane is that I have to set a goal. Just like my previous post about: an incredible woman who never stop accomplishes her goals. And I know that goal is not necessarily to be something complicated. Even to get up from bed is the achievement I should be proud of. This is my attempt to set things to be as normal as possible by setting as many goals as possible, even if it is just as tiny weeny as put a book back in its drawer. Cook dinner, wash laundry, eat 3 times a day, bathing my son, etc. I should've known better before, remembering that I always carry a book or needles and yarns everywhere, indicating that I need to achieve something, but knitting or reading books can take more time to complete, maybe that's why I don't have much motivation to work it out. ( I am the type of person who really like to see how much and how fast progress I make in a matter of project, and get the motivation from it ). 

The highlight is: to keep my mind busy. That's all. 

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